Sun is off on Sundays?

Back in beach-mode and just back from a morning-run along haadrin beach now enjoying the fresh pineapple, the tasty watermelon and powerful bananas that grows so naturally in Thailand. And a cpl of toasts to not be too healthy.

After a beautiful catch-up, a lot of love, as usual, and an introduction to the "wildlife" in Bangkok -Khao San Rd, we took the train, simple as (hmm), to suratthani to then continue by boat to Koh Phangan.  It's insane how they miscalculate everything but still manage to keep track of you, all lost and alone, in the middle of nothing, in this, what feels like, enormous country.
 So with a 3 hours delayed train (thank god we were on it cus we got a good sleep) we ofc missed the boat and got picked up by a private car who took us to a place to wait for a bus, to leave us somewhere else, to wait for another bus to take us to the boat and so on....

Whatever you ask and whoever you ask, whenever, there is never an answer. It's either "Oh, very very long time" "Very very far", "Can not" or "Okay". The meaning of these lines will forever be a mystery but the beautiful thing about Thailand is that Everything is Possible (it really is). Just always keep in mind, that what you plan and expect, is not gonna turn out the way you thought. Not a country for controlfreaks.

 So -24 hours later, exhausted and disgusting as... , and we ended up, over our budget, on Delight resort, Haadrin *Vinkar till JiJi å Brorsan*
 There was not a cell of my body that had the energy to walk arnd and look for a decent place within our budget after that trip. (And poor G, he had just landed after a 26 hours journey from NZ as well).

Anyone realize how far away NZ is? Whow..

So being back here obviously brings out memories and sensations in my being, connected to things that were parts of the major change in my life last year. Many of you already knows what I am talking about and I have chosen not to mention it on this blog that much cus it's been a challenge I've had to deal with myself. I used to be surprised that things didn't turn out the way I predicted them to, but today I see the reasons behind and how I needed every single happening and emotion to take me to where I am today.

 I was surprised when I walked passed my favourite massage-place when this beautiful woman looks and me, runs towards me to hug me and asks about me and my brother. Oh my.. Then she gave me a massage, and she remembers my body as if it was yesterday. "Same usual?!" and I got my Alli-special <3

Besides this, not much going on. We try to live on curiousity in the moment but my ego and fears are forcing me to plan the nextcoming months. Anyways we are preparing for Vipassana in a temple north of BKK (silent meditation retreat) and Reiki-courses.
As you might remember, I mentioned Vipassana in Auckland a cpl of months ago . I obviously didnt do it (thats why I havent told u), because of many reasons. And I am still not doing it, just here as a support, because to use the techniques that I am used to, is absolutely forbidden. As well, as an old prisoner of anxiety and panicattacks, I am not recommended  to do it, even though I am in total control (on this level). Maybe these are just excuses for my own fears. But thats Okay. Still no Vipassana :P

(Will, I know you'd say that I need to do it, just because i fear it. But no, still no.. ) xo

Okay, end of rainseason, not that sunny, but warm enough! <3

Bisou my loved ones!
xxxxxxx

End of a chapter

Heaps of rain seems to be a good reason to organize things on the computer -including Blogging. So let's take this moment to update u a little bit of whats been going on here the last month. I am sitting at my favouritecafé -Tuktas, in Santitham area, where I live. This is a space for meetings between more or less strangers, exchanging knowledge, experiences and sharing stories and memories of traveling.

In this exact moment, six interesting people entered, and again, I might get too distracted to finish this post...

One of the most interesting and fascinating people I've met here is Olivier- a man from Switzerland that once after a car-accident ended up in a coma. When he woke up he had lost all his memories and his whole life is about building up a new identity based on old diaries and pictures from the past. 

What is an identity? And what are you without your ego? 

When I say ego I refer to whatever you identify yourself as, in terms of proffession, man/woman, strong/weak, young/old, etc etc. 

But we are not our Ego. And this is what I am constantly striving for -to detach to my ego and to find the peace, freedom, happiness and Love within the Self (the Soul or whatever you prefer to call it), far away from the material world.

-So most of my time in Chiang Mai has been about going through different emotions such as communication, separation, detachments around the area of Love. I'm on a journey of Self-Love and being here, -alone as well, has been an important and vital need for my discoveries. 

I started my Thai-yoga-massagecourse for 60 hours training. For you that are not familiar with this kind of massage, I can tell you that the giver is in constant movements connected to Tai Chi and Yoga which means it's obviously an active participation in all ways. Combined to that, I was sick in fever and a cold worse than -Paah. Although, I decided to go on a juicefast during this time, because the place and timing was just perfect. But it was hard. So hard. Thank you Michele, You have been a rock supporting me through this.

A juicefast (just drinking juice and water), except the detox, often brings up emotions from the unconscious because they are not bottled down with heavy food as they usually are. It gives the body a space to heal in all its ways and this is what I wanted. 

-While doing this, frustrated, tired and full of fears, I realized how attached I had been to so many things in my life. To food, to people, to places, to control, to love, to ideas, to everything. And by realizing and observing these emotions I manage to find a way to Let them go. 

Here, dear people -is my Freedom.
(We'll talk more about attachments and why they are not in our best and highest good another time.. )

I am now no longer trapped in these attachments and I am finally free to Love unconditional and unlimited, without any ideas or expectations. 

Now -this was the End of what I've been fighting for these last 17 months. It took a lot of efforts, traveling, money, meetings, practises.. 

I am Love. And pure energy. 

Apart from that, I am happy to tell you that finally my Sweetheart, my Love, GiGi, is coming to Thai tomorrow. We will meet, we will surrender and we will live in the present and Love every second. That's all we know. This is my next chapter in life.

Thank you for this time Chiang Mai. I give gratitude for you. 

(I might move here for real in the future. This is a perfect place to live)

But, -Until I see you again beautiful Nature, People and Surroundings. 

xo Alli

This is Olivier. Think about yourself and who you are according to the beliefesystems within you, built up on the reality that was not more than just given to us.

You are an inspiration Olivier. A fighter. Thank you for showing me what courage is. 

I admire you xx

Skriva? Va ä de?

Ursaktar franvaron.. Allt alldeles for bra I Chiang mai. Lar mig sa mycket om livets alla sensationer sa jag isolerat mig lite for a smalta allt. uppdaterar med nagra bilder salange xo

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My secret soul

A tribute to one of the soulmates;

If I could I would write a song for you. A song with a rythm that express what goes through my body when I'm next to you and the journey that I've been on since I met you. The lyrics would contain words that puts together that magic that connects our souls -a place that might only exist beyond our understandings. 

And in that song -we would be alive forever.

-Unfortunatley, I am not a songwriter. And my swedish translations of already existing songs wouldn't be perfect enough to describe our world.

We are the same soul.  

I love you, and I will Love you -today and forever after.

xo

-Älskling

Chiang Mai

Bangkok experience -same same. Everything went smooth, or at least in the typical Bangkokway, with all that comes with it. I know my way around all the, for me, important places and my stay at the 4 star hotel in Sukumvhit turned out to be a 2-days treatment instead of one. As it turned out, the monsunrain had destroyed the railway up north, so my plan of taking the nighttrain was not longer an option. I chose to stay an extra night at the awesome hotel, enjoying all the facilities, to then fly up to Chiang Mai the next day instead. So not just another time in Bangkok, also another couple of hours on Suvarnabhumi -international airport. But this time, I was at the domestic part which was a bit of a new experience, so as much as you can enjoy airports, I did.
I then boarded my flight number 26 (?) (starting to lose the number).

Since this spontanious extend of my stay in Bkk turned out to happen on my exact birthday I couldn't more than enjoy it even more. I started the day with the gym, steamroom and an amazing hotelbreakfast to finish up with a thaimassage at my favourite Spa-place. For you who hasn't been in Thailand, you should know that an hour Thaimassage doesn't cost more than 300 baht (which is 60 sek ish..).
Being alone was pefect in terms of the realisation of how much Love that surrounds me regardless the physical presence of loved ones. I recieved so many genuine birthdaywishes full of grace -Thank you. I belong to you.

I met my first "friend" already on the plain. I had found a hostel on the internet already, close to my massageschool, which turned out to be ok so it saved me the effort of walking around searching for a decent place to stay for, what could take, hours.

There is a tiny, soulfull little Yogaplace/cafe on the way to school from my place which I was lucky to find already on my first morning. That is also where I met Michi that same day, a beatiuful soul that was taking the same class as me. We have a lot of fun together, and mostly, a wicked exchange of experiences and knowledge. This cafe is my ashram at the moment. A couple of Yogis and hippiepeople, all sharing a moment together every morning befor the day starts.

We just finished Thai Yoga massage Level 1 today with 10 other people and I have decided to stay for another 2 weeks to get to the advanced level. I enjoy it a lot and it is a good part for me to get mor in touch with healingwork.

I am staying a bit outside the city center (also called "old town") where there are no tourists (except the massagstudents). All the food you can buy here is the typical thai street-food and no signs or nothing is in english. Hello thailanguage! niit nitt  noi noi!

Not much to do here except focusing on school and live simple life. I enjoy every second. It is around 30degrees, half rainy, half sunny. I welcome and embrace the weather in all it's shapes. But if sunny tomorrow when I have a day off, I will try to find a pool and recieve the energy of life in the sun.

All for now,
Nite Nite

xoxoxox

everything is an experience

Sleeping with the light on tonight

Godnatt xo

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I am

My second home

Wetseason Thailand brings out more than silence and stillness. It takes a while to get used to that state of Being. I've spent a week on an island in clouds and rain which naturally forces you to do just that -To Be (especially since there is not much more to do). I'ts been lovely and relaxing and combined to that I've had the privilige to catch up with an old friend, a friend that was a part of my first backpacking trip ever -8 years ago -in Thailand. Meeting someone from that long ago brings up to the surface how much we all change, and maybe that's nessesary to put yourself and humanity in another perspectives.

Today I am in between. I'm in a small "village" callen Ban Phe. I've spent the boring part of the day in a minivan and the beautiful part with my thaimum! We met in tears of happiness and made the most of eachother for a few hours. I am living local life but no spare beds so staying alone in a hostel close to her sons "shop" (they provide the people with toilets and sell a few garmets (this is also where they sleep). Again, I'm all alone here (not even staff) in a dorm on a matress on the floor. I've got the key to the place, free coffee and wifi. Tired as but maybe staying awake to try to deny or avoid the possibility that I might share the room with smaller creatures on several legs. What else can you expect when you pay 150 thb (30 kr) for a night?

Tomorrow morning, after some time with thailfamily, I'm heading to Bangkok. I will stay in a beautiful hotel in Sukhumvit, where I've been a cpl of times before, to wake up on my birthday on saturday in a nice bed with a nice breakfast. After that I'm off to Chiang Mai on a nighttrain to then start a massagecourse on monday. The course is for 1-3 weeks and my intention is to stay the whole time.

After I'm certified in Thaimassage I'm going back to Bkk to grab that sweet secret of mine and enjoy every second with him.

Until then, mission is;
To find the balance between my body and soul. To create a space for my soul to be comfortable in my body. A year of focus on spirituality and personal growth that I have forgotten about my physical being.
So now, a 100% Allytime.

See you later beautiful souls.
Remember, regardless if you think you can do it or not, you're probably right! Keep flying!

xoxoxoxooxo